the kid: microphone 

we have one of those fisherprice keyboard with microphone deals and she dug it out of her pile of toys last night. 

with microphone in hand she performed this bit:

“my name is aisley, i fart and pee and poop. a big one!”

i do believe this is how all standup comedian origin stories begin. 

the kid: microphone 

the kid is the devil

mowing the lawn and the kid set up an elaborate fort with tents and chairs and pillows and blankets on the porch to be outside with me. even put her protective ear protection on because the lawnmower is loud. 

i finished and went inside and she kept the door open, i did not know she was bringing everything back in so i shut the door. few minutes later and i hear “what the heck? who shut the door? i wasn’t done!” 

i say, oh i am sorry i didn’t know

she says after a few moments, it’s okay i still love you 

knowing your 3 year old is actually taking time out to ponder if closing the front door is a good enough reason to stop loving you is terrifying 

the kid is the devil

perform

tell me a story, she says

good monkey always willing to bang the drum 

when my button is pushed

but

the sky is falling

sixty million of my brothers and sisters rally behind

a

conman rapist hateful bigot racist cheeto

i wail and gnash teeth as they lay waste to

healthcare and hope education and equality science and sentiment

how can i write when i all see

are

the burning fields of my daughter’s future

tell me a story, she says

make your peace, i say

worship your family

breathe in every moment

squeeze the joy out of every stone

do good and be kind

because

the sky is falling

*takes a bow*

perform

the kid: someone else’s candy

I was putting the kid into the car seat when she found her cousin’s easter bag. Knowing the general attitude that she has I braced myself for a fight with the two and a half year old monster. 
She pulled out a couple of the toys from the bag. “These are Jake’s.” I agreed with her. She put them back in the bag. A little package of candy eggs came out next. “This is Jake’s candy. Can I have some?” 
“No, that is Jake candy. ” I told her expecting to get bombarded with wails and pleading. 
“Okay.” She put the candy back in the bag and I finished strapping her in. 
I was expecting a full on toddler breakdown and was taken completely by surprise. I feel like it is an important event because toddlers are usually so self-centered and her deferring to her cousin’s ownership of the candy was great. 

the kid: someone else’s candy

the kid: probably

She was looking for her phone, her mother’s old galaxy s4, and asked me if I knew where it was. When I told her I didn’t she said “It’s probably in my room.”

Probably in my room. Not yet three and correctly using probably.

the kid: probably

the kid: jesus christ

I was working through a stressful situation and had evidently expressed some verbal frustration because when I came into the house the kid came up to me and asked “Why did you say jesus christ daddy? Why did you say jesus christ?”

“Because I was upset.”

“Okay.”

the kid: jesus christ

far cry 4

I finished farcry4 recently and while being a pretty decent shooter the story got a little weird. In a weirdly political derailment the ending(s) of the game became statements about corruption and power. The game has 2 possible endings based on decisions made throughout the campaign. A third option also exists provided you do nothing but let the character sit in a chair for 13 minutes.

Ending A is a crazed despot turning the country you’ve just liberated into a drug mill. Thus enslaving the briefly freed people as drug growers. The biggest problem I had with this was how sympathetic the character appears to be. Just about every hint you get seems to say the other ending is the worst one.

Option B is a crazed despot turning the country you’ve just liberated into a religious zealots dream. Complete with beheadings of infidels. The problem with this ending is that a character that has been touted as ridiculous important to everything just despawns and is gone. Just poof. No more Bhadra. So it’s not just a depressing ending it’s an incomplete one. It’s like the dev’s couldn’t be bothered to wrap it up.

There is no happy ending. No satisfying conclusion to all the violence and work your character has put in. It seems to be some sort of statement about power and how it corrupts. A grimdark parable of religious zeal and greed and ultimately it’s disappointing.

I don’t play video games to understand the heart of darkness. Instead of spending all that time fighting to save my little pixelated kingdom and bring peace and happiness to it farcry4 forced me to leave the place just as fucked as when I arrived. My experience in Kyrat completely meaningless.

Sometimes a guy just wants to save the fake world.

far cry 4