crash

so i crashed it, yeah i know, whatthehell
four days is all it took
four days and three of them i was out of town working
it had 69 miles on it when i got it, it had 132 when i last sat on it

unlicensed and uninsured dude pulled out without seeing me
i am completely not at fault
didn’t hit him so much as swerved and laid the bike down to avoid him

they think my right foot clipped his headlight
i kept trying to get up, trying to get out of the middle of the road
my foot wouldn’t cooperate, it was sideways
i dislocated the ankle, they popped it back into place
i broke the littlest bone in the littlest toe, they gave me pain pills and said see you in 6 weeks

the bike, well, $4000 to fix it, they didn’t total it
one of those things you know, if they had totaled it i would not go buy a new one
but they are fixing it
i will ride again
the wife still wants to ride
the wife wants to take the course and ride it by herself
imagine that

it wasn’t scary
i didn’t see my life flash before my eyes, it didn’t really hurt
i rolled, skidded across the pavement, the world went round-a-round
skinned my knees, cut my thumb, lost one shoe and one glove, nicked the right side of the helmet

the jacket was this one, not very much damage to it at all, a few scuffs, it is a fitting jacket
now with realistic battle damage

i don’t mind the being hurt, the walking around on crutches, the odd cast
i don’t mind the empty house when the wife works, the crappy daytime tv
no, those things are easy
it’s the not being able to work that drives me a little mad
2 weeks i gotta sit in this damn chair, it’s embarrassing
i’ve lived 28 years without ever really hurting myself
now here i am, completely subdued by an idiot who didn’t know how to look before he went

my dentist has a sign in his office
“There is nothing the Doctor can do that will overcome what the Patient will not do.”
that’s the whole deal with life isn’t it?
there’s nothing i can do that will overcome what you will not do
i bet god says that a lot

when i say i am cynical i am not directing at any specific person
when i say i hate people i don’t have a single person in mind
those are generalizations
i don’t even have all that much animosity towards the dude who hit me, he actually stuck around, waited for the police and ambulance to come, all his friends left him alone, that took balls, and i forgive him
shit happens you know
so he didn’t see me
strange thing is, even if i were in a car he wouldn’t have seen me
it was just one of those things

i’m tired
i’m tired of living my life in terror of what other people might do
hell is other people
but
heaven is other people
too

crash